Dating for ugly women
An oft-cited Ok Cupid study from 2014 backs this up."Eighty-two percent of non-black men on Ok Cupid show some bias against black women," Christian Rudder, co-founder of Ok Cupid, wrote in a blog post analyzing the data.I felt objectified and grossed out." Jenny, who's tried Ok Cupid in addition to Tinder, has also experienced someone immediately trying to guess her ethnicity, which seems to be a pretty common experience for some women of color online. I just went to a Korean BBQ place.' I'm not Korean, and it's offensive to try to guess my ethnicity off the bat," she explains.As you'll see, the "I'm going to assume or wonder if you're this ethnicity, then say something asinine about it" technique is clearly alive and well."Men have said dumb sh*t to me about Kama Sutra," Maya B., 25, a queer woman of desi descent who identifies as a first-generation American and second-generation Indian, tells SELF."I think in the age of swiping apps, there's less ability to overtly discriminate, but there is still a lot of preference for women who meet a certain look," she explains.Even though she's occasionally dealt with guys who went out of their way to say things like "I'm down with the swirl" (BRB, rolling my eyes for the rest of eternity), Sarah also feels like swiping apps are "pretty welcoming of diverse people," especially in cities like San Francisco and New York.For now, Maya's filtered her preferences on the dating apps she still uses to only see people of color, hoping to avoid some of the disconnect she's previously experienced.And when she still encounters ignorance, she has a genius game plan: "I usually wax eloquent about [things like] my work, racial justice organizing, and Black Lives Matter...until they feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable, and then I never speak to them ever again." Lots of praise hands emojis for you, Maya.
She's tried out Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Ok Cupid, and An incredible clip from April of this year tackled this issue, branding it "sexual racism." Note: This is way different from having preferences.It's about ruling out entire groups of people because of stereotypes or because you think there's no way you could be attracted to them."As a black woman who works in tech and sports, I'm pretty used to being in environments where being non-white isn't exactly considered an asset.
I'm sure the dating world online isn't any different," she says, citing how when she made a Bumble app for a similarly pretty white friend, her friend was "inundated" with way more matches than Sarah had gotten on the app.
My hope is that my friends let me play romantic roulette with their love lives because they think my job affords me some top-secret dating intel.