Indian girl dating black guy
Then, a few years later and in a new place, when my sister told me that Indian girls who date black guys are sluts, which I sadly learned was indeed the popular perception, I remained a virgin, almost sitting out college hookup culture altogether.In the segregated campus social dynamics, I had what a male friend called a “reverse reputation” in one circle, while the Indians still looked upon me as a bad seed. Because I hung out with the Alphas and went to “black parties” on the weekends.Half a lifetime of words about big dicks, super-sperm, promiscuity, sexual prowess, and insatiability, etc. ” put on me by the white boys who ruled the Briarcliff social world.At 17, I didn’t know how to have a voice about the exoticization, and implicit oversexualization, of me and my choices.It wasn’t just that I was not seen as attractive (because that is subjective overall, color aside); it was that I was wholly invisible during that high school process of exploring sex and romance.My friends flirted, dated, and hooked up casually and significantly.And it was like a stain that spread over the years.
I was brown; they were the other brown people around. But what’s more memorable and noteworthy than these actual relationships is what people on the outside believed about them, something that follows me to this day after a fierce drawn-out battle in adulthood with my family over a boyfriend, also black, whom I was with for six years and nearly married. I silently accepted the loud assertions that “Chaya loves black guys!I would spy him coming back from class and get the jitters. Everyone turned to do their own individual nitpicking before agreeing that, yes, Chaya does look a little weird. Sometimes people looked “less Indian” than other people. But the others seemed to understand something about the final comment that I missed.“You know…” she said, squinting her eyes and thinking, calculating, “You almost look black.” Everyone laughed. The way they regarded me after drawing that collective conclusion was poignant – there was mockery but also something stronger: a disdainful othering.Similarly, the Indian American community and its values are not far off from this culture.
The women are expected to be, and are viewed as, virginal and sexually submissive.So instead, I kept quiet and clung to the good Indian girl in me: while others gave blowjobs in bushes at house parties (yes, these were the sexual norms I was around as a teenager), I mostly steered clear of the bases past second.